Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Week 76

2lb gain.

While of course I'm disappointed, I'm not altogether surprised. As I mentioned last week, I'd been contending with dodgy eating patterns and Maggie's birthday; this week the eating patterns fell apart.

Saturday reached the peak of destructive eating. I knew that if I started the 200g bar of chocolate then I would end up finishing it. I knew that if I had ice-cream for pudding then I was setting up a sugar craving where I would end up eating chocolate later in the evening. I knew that if I finished the Chinese take-away I would want ice-cream to finish with. I knew that if we bought a Chinese take-away for dinner then I would eat far too much - at least twice the amount I normally would, if not more, plus prawn crackers. I also knew I'd end up having a really lousy night's sleep with all that extra sugar and fat trying to metabolise itself.

Yet I still agreed that we should get a Chinese take-away for dinner because it had been a tough week, Maggie's mother had been taken into hospital and no one felt like cooking.

The reasons were justifiable enough, but once the decision was made, the outcome of gross over-eating was inevitable.

Part of the self-loathing at my behaviour stems from this - at all the points along the way I knew exactly what I was doing and what the outcome would be. And because I knew, the feeling is that I should have been able to do something about it, to stop it from happening. Yet all I could do was sit back and watch as it all unfolded before me with a sense of complete inevitability.

Like boarding a train - once on, you're there for the duration - the point of choice is before you take the first step. After that it's too late.

Still the last day or two we've been back on form. Over the past 5 weeks I've only made a net gain of 3 pounds which could have been so much worse. But it is disappointing to think that I'm back where I was 9 weeks ago.

Starting Weight: 19st 9lb – 275lbs
Current Weight: 13st 6lb – 188lbs
KoTRB Weight Lost : 22lb
Total Weight Loss: 87lbs


fatmammycat said...

A minor blip. We all have them, regardless of whether we're actively tryin to lose weight or just because we're having one of those days/weeks. Last two days have been better and so will the rest of the week and next week you'll have a smug moment. And I will be here to clap.

Kim Ayres said...

Sometimes your belief in me is like an added pressure. Othertimes, like today, it's heartwarming.

Thanks FMC.

ArleneWKW said...

"Like boarding a train . . ." You absolutely describe my process. Logically, you (and I) can get off that damn train. Logically we're not necessarily on it for the duration.
But . . . 85% of the time when I test that logic with an ill considered indulgence, I end up pitching myself into a binge. The important thing is getting back on track as quickly as you can. And you've done that.

Kim Ayres said...

So far I've managed to stay on track all week. I'm hoping it will show on Tuesday.

Ubergeek said...

Hi, I'm new to the site, and find your story interesting as well as inspirational. Not that I'm overweight, but after moving out of America, I lost 20 lbs. But from what I know of dieting, once you start that downward spiral, it's hard to get out. Take the day as a loss, but we're human, you're going to have a bad day once in a while. Start the next day fresh and don't let one night of a bad decision ruin the next week or month. You can do it!

Kim Ayres said...

Welcome to Losing a Hundredweight, Ubergeek :) Thanks for taking the time to comment.

Dieting is a terrible thing and doesn't work and I would never recommend it. However, my path is staying on track of healthy eating and the weight loss is a side effect of that.

There are 2 primary aspects to losing weight healthily and permanently - one is the food, the other is the mindset. Lose the mindset and the food goes haywire.

Ubergeek said...

True, true. Pardon my very literal use of "diet", I've been in the medical field too long. By the strictest definition, a diet is whatever you put in your mouth, good or bad; so as long as you're trying to eat healthy, you're on a "healthy diet". If you eat any old kind of junk food, you're on a "bad diet". I sometimes forget people don't mean the same things I do.